All chess players think about why they play and what they want from the game. For most of us, our relationship with the sixty-four squares is double-edged. Who wouldn't want to be a little better or to win a bit more regularly? We all know that the pain of losing hurts more than the positive buzz that comes when we win. All too often chess is a game of disappointment or coming up just short - and that is the price we have to pay for playing.
I am sure my biggest critic would not dispute what chess means to me. I've made so many friends, had lots of wonderful experiences and much of what I have done as a writer in terms of my books and articles is closely bound up with the chess world. Yet the gap between being the player I am and the player I want to be has been a challenge at times. Especially at a club like Kenilworth. On the one hand, I see and delight in seeing so much world class talent coming through our ranks. On the other, this accentuates my sense that I'll only ever be a journeyman. Someone who is capable of beating better players (and losing to weaker ones) but rarely consistent enough to suggest I am going to make much progress.
Indeed after a terrible season a couple of years ago I was at a very low ebb. Thanks to Paul Lam's help, I have improved my chess psychology, my opening repertoire and how I prepare. Essentially I now spend more time looking at my own games, do more tactical puzzles, and play a little less online blitz. All of which has helped me have a pretty reasonable season. Yet in the many years I've played prior to yesterday, my sum total of tournament victories (outside the LDCL Individual KOs) consisted of a junior open victory, an LDCL rapidplay major win and a share of first place at a Shropshire major (with Ed Goodwin as I recall). Not a great return on the zillions of tournaments I have played in.
It is true of course that I don't enter tournaments because I expect to win. If that was the case I would have stopped playing chess years ago. But it is nice to think that sometimes it might be your day - and most unexpectedly for me that day turned out to be yesterday, as I ended up the joint winner of the Open section of the Swindon Rapidplay!
I had set off with some hope, as I was down as the number 1 seed in the U1900, but arrived to find that the Open and U1900 had been merged. I said to Mrs G "there goes that then," but she said "just try and win the Open instead," so I did!
I started with two routine wins before a bit of heartbreak in round 3 against Ben Ogunshola (the number 1 seed and tournament organiser who is in the photo). I unbelievably managed to throw away a won position at the death in the time scramble. This has become a bit of a habit of late, especially as in round 5 I did the same thing, but this time managed to cling on for the draw. I just tell myself that like a striker who doesn't always score from good positions, the fact that I am consistently getting into them must mean something...
So I was on 3.5/5 going into the final round. A point behind the tournament leader and talented England junior Zack Norris (2058) who had just downed the slightly misfiring and out of the money tournament IM Petr Marusenko. I knew that a win would guarantee me a share of second, and would be good for a share of first so long as Ben Ogunshola did not win his final game (which he didn't!)
I think previously I would have been a bit overwhelmed. Zack is obviously the stronger player. But I resolved just to play. Twenty moves in, I could not help but think to myself, this looks pretty good. Still, given I knew I wasn't always holding onto my good positions, I did not take anything for granted. I found a nice tactic and won a piece for two pawns. A wildly complicated middle game ensued, but I was better co-ordinated and could see that Zack was very unhappy with his position. Eventually I forced another tactic and won Zack's queen for rook. A lot more moves followed, but by this point I knew I'd got this!
So a £100 prize and a trophy (to say nothing of a TPR of 2002!) Ben said to me afterwards that I looked happier than any of the kids. I'm sure that was true. They haven't suffered like I have. Mrs G says it is not sufficient to suggest I should pack it all in and go professional, and we are still negotiating as to whether the trophy can be displayed in the sitting room. In all seriousness I doubt that this is going to be the start of me winning lots more tournaments. But it was a very nice feeling, which I will always remember. Every dog and all that!
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